A Kind Reminder

The human in me sees the human in you.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

In a recent episode of one of my favorite podcasts, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, one of the hosts, Jordan Myrick, was talking about their experience as a gender non-conforming person and feeling the external pressure to try and have a neat, packaged answer about their gender for the public. Actor and comedian ER Fightmaster, the guest of the episode, explained it as follows:

“I do think that the gender that we're all talking about, these, like, energetics that we're all talking about…Our sense of self is actually rooted in our own humanity which is, like, not exactly tied to our genitals and is not tied to our societal roles. So that makes us very dangerous to an entire system that's built on gendered labor. If I'm like, ‘Actually, well, I'm a human being first and I'd like to be understood as a human being,’ well it's harder to even have a draft if you think everybody's a human being. And it's harder to create a genocide if you think everybody's a human being… Everything is harder to justify in a capitalist society if we're all human beings.”

I was really floored by this simple explanation and if I were to take it to what I think is its natural conclusion, the point is that it’s easy to discriminate against someone, to disconnect from them, if you don’t think of them as human and you don’t recognize their humanity. There are hundreds of examples of people in power throughout history, including now, trying to dehumanize other groups to disconnect us and encourage the general public to turn a blind eye. It’s very, very easy to not be concerned about the rights and safety and wellbeing of others if you don’t see them as human.

In one of my larger group chats, there was a sharp and unexpected spat between people who had two very different opinions on a sensitive topic (🍉). It got heated quickly and in almost just as much time, there was an apology and an acknowledgement of each others’ humanity. What a wonder - it felt like a soothing balm put on a quick and painful burn. In that moment, I witnessed the initial huge distance between the people, and then as soon as they all recognized the human in the other, that distance vanished and they were able to connect with kindness, even while still disagreeing about the original topic.

These are scary, lonely times. We see numbers and shocking statistics about how much lonelier we (primarily, Americans) are, how we have fewer friends and fewer strong connections now than ever before, how volunteerism is still rebounding from a huge decline. There is talk about the health impacts of this disconnection and think pieces about how technology is both helping and harming feelings of connection. Extremely smart (attractive) people write whole books about how polarized we are. And I go back to this point - if we don’t see each other as human, if we don’t recognize each others’ humanity, it’s a lot easier to stay disconnected, to stay polarized, to stay lonely. The cycle is never ending.

"We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." - Albus Dumbledore*

*Yes, I am defying she-who-shall-not-be-named and still quoting what I think it helpful and important work, even if the author of said-work is doing the exact opposite of what her books encourage.

We don’t need to be united in every opinion we have, but I think being united in our shared humanity at large could go a long way to help us during this BIG hard time we’re in now and all the little hard times we have in between. I know it’s complicated and I know it’s hard, especially if you are facing discrimination and hatred based on other people not witnessing your humanity. And I don’t have a good answer for what to do with that - I just have to keep believing that if we strengthen our connections, if we see the humanity in each other, more good than harm will prevail.